SNL’s Hilarious Take on Pete Hegseth’s Accidental Text Scandal in “Group Chat Cold Open”
Saturday Night Live never misses an opportunity to skewer political mishaps, and the March 29, 2025, cold open was no exception. Titled “Group Chat Cold Open,” the sketch tackled the real-life scandal involving Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, who accidentally included The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg in a Signal group chat containing sensitive war plans. But instead of a straightforward parody, SNL took a brilliantly absurd turn—imagining Hegseth mistakenly texting three teenage girls with classified military strategies.
Hosted by Mikey Madison, the sketch featured Andrew Dismukes as a clueless Hegseth, Bowen Yang as a bewildered JD Vance, and Mikey Day as Jeffrey Goldberg, who just can’t seem to escape the chaos.
The Real-Life Scandal That Inspired the Sketch
Before diving into SNL’s hilarious spin, let’s recap the real-world drama that set the stage.
Earlier in the week, reports surfaced that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, along with Vice President JD Vance and other Trump administration officials, had been using a Signal group chat to discuss military strategies. The problem? They accidentally added Jeffrey Goldberg, editor-in-chief of The Atlantic—a journalist known for his critical coverage of the administration.
At first, Hegseth denied that any sensitive information had been shared. But Goldberg published screenshots in an explosive article titled:
“Here Are the Attack Plans That Trump’s Advisers Shared on Signal.”
The fallout was immediate. Critics blasted the administration for reckless handling of national security, while internet users had a field day with memes about “the most chaotic group chat in Washington.”
SNL’s Twist: Hegseth Texts Three Teen Girls Instead
Rather than rehashing the exact events, SNL’s writers took creative liberties, imagining an even bigger blunder: What if Hegseth accidentally sent war plans to a group of high school girls?
The Setup: A Teenage Chat Gone Wrong
The sketch opens with three best friends texting in a group chat:
- Jennabelle (Mikey Madison), the queen bee
- Her unnamed but equally sassy friend (Ego Nwodim)
- A third pal (Sarah Sherman)
Their conversation is peak Gen Z:
Jennabelle: “Wait, does anyone else think Mark Doogan is low-key hot with that haircut?”
Friend (Ego): “Oh my God, yes. Glow up vibes.”
Suddenly, an unknown number drops in with:
Pete Hegseth (Andrew Dismukes): “FYI: Green light on Yemen raid! Tomahawks airborne 15 minutes ago. Who’s ready to glass some Houthi rebels? 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🔥🍆”
The girls are rightfully confused.
Jennabelle: “Uh, who is this?”
But Hegseth, oblivious, assumes he’s texting “Jennabelle from Defense” and keeps going:
Hegseth: “Hey, while I got everyone, sending a PDF with updated locations of all our nuclear submarines. Check that one we got chilling right outside Shanghai— [Jordan Peele sweating GIF]“
The absurdity escalates as the girls panic:
Friend (Sarah): “STOP SENDING US THIS STUFF!”
JD Vance Gets Involved (But He Doesn’t Know Why)
Realizing his mistake, Hegseth tries to fix it by adding JD Vance (Bowen Yang) to the chat.
Hegseth: “How’s Greenland, by the way? I bet you’re killing it.”
Vance, who had recently made headlines for a disastrous diplomatic trip to Greenland, responds with pure resignation:
Vance: “No, I’m not. Nobody knows why I’m here, especially me.”
The joke here is a double whammy:
- Vance’s real-life Greenland visit was widely mocked for being pointless.
- Even in the sketch, he’s just as lost as ever.
Marco Rubio Drops the “Real” JFK Files
Just when the girls think it can’t get worse, Secretary of State Marco Rubio (Marcello Hernandez) gets added to the chat.
Rubio: “Sending the real JFK files—not those fake ones we released. DO NOT SHARE!”
This is a nod to longstanding conspiracy theories about classified JFK documents and the government’s selective transparency.
Jeffrey Goldberg Somehow Ends Up in the Chat Again
In a perfect callback to reality, Jeffrey Goldberg (Mikey Day) gets added to the group—again.
Goldberg: “Wait, how am I back in this?!”
The girls, now fully done with the situation, peace out:
Jennabelle: “Gotta go, I have a date with Matt Gaetz.”
A brutal (and hilarious) closing line referencing the controversial former congressman.
Why This Sketch Works So Well
1. Perfect Casting
- Andrew Dismukes nails Hegseth’s clueless, overconfident energy.
- Bowen Yang as JD Vance is always a win—his deadpan delivery is gold.
- Mikey Madison as the exasperated teen brings the right mix of humor and disbelief.
2. Absurdity Meets Reality
The sketch takes a real scandal and pushes it to its most ridiculous extreme. Instead of just mocking the leak, SNL asks: What if this guy was so careless he texted war plans to random teenagers?
3. Sharp Political Jabs
From Vance’s Greenland trip to Rubio’s JFK files, the sketch packs in multiple layers of political satire without feeling forced.
4. Gen Z Humor
The teens’ reactions—confusion, annoyance, and finally giving up—are spot-on for how actual high schoolers would respond to a Pentagon official spamming them with missile emojis.
Final Verdict: SNL at Its Best
This cold open was a brilliant mix of current events, sharp satire, and pure absurdity. By taking the Pete Hegseth group chat scandal and turning it into a teen drama nightmare, SNL delivered one of its best political sketches of the season.
If you missed it, watch the full sketch on Peacock—because this is one viral-worthy moment you don’t want to skip.
More SNL March 29 Highlights:
What did you think of the sketch? Let us know in the comments!
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